What Would Bejeezus Do?

Because I’m sick and wrong, and because I can.


So, what would Bejeezus do, you ask?

Scenario #3
You find out your friend is cheating on his wife, also your friend.

Keep it to yourself.  But every time you’re out with your friend, use it against him. Get him to buy you lunch and pay for your drinks. Just say, “Dude, you owe me.”

You know, I’ve never really been sure about this Bejeezus guy. 😉

The things you find when you Google stuff…

(/) Roland X
PhD in WtF?


I wrote a piece ages ago (4.00 / 4)

called “Jesus and the Woman.”

It was a fictional vignette that shows Jesus, or a guy who thinks he’s Jesus, lying in bed at night beside a sleeping woman.

He is spent, he can’t sleep, and he goes over the events of the day, of his whole life really, wondering what went wrong.

It’s a sad little piece that had great power when I wrote it because the Jesus in the story seemed so human. What if Jesus were really “one of us,” as the song would ask 20 years later? What sad thoughts of failure would he entertain?

It was published in the college daily. and I felt very modern and good about it. Indeed, it was good — quite well-written. It put people right inside the mind of Jesus, the holy of holies, which has been notoriously difficult for writers over the centuries.

But what it found there in the sanctuary was spiderwebs of anxiety and confusion, just as the rest of us experience.

A woman I worked with at that time was very hurt by my piece. “You don’t know how people love and need Jesus,” she said, a tear in her eyes. “And after all the Lord has done for you. You are pitiless.”

I found that very painful and I felt shame over what I had written. I man, I was right, and damn I was cool and subtle in what I was saying — that life is fraught with sadness even for young gods finding their way. Ethel had misunderstood — shame on her for looking at it in such an orthodox way!

But what did I know that she did not? And vice versa?

What I knew was that the Jesus in my story was no real Jesus. He was me. He was everyguy, pondering how lost we all become in life, wandering far from our proud birthright as sons and daughters of God.

That is the distilled essence of the modern dilemma — we know so much, and it casts a cloud of gloom and disbelief over our lives. My “Jesus” was my own sadness. It was a love letter to my own lamentable life.

But of course, who could know that but me?

On balance, Ethel was more right than I was. Most people would take that piece exactly as she did — as a piece of intentional blasphemy.

And a part of me — the part that chose something sacred and painted it with my own feces — because it had power — knew exactly what I was doing …

Insulting innocent hearts by hurling my pain at them.

The last sentence was very poignant. If I can remember …

“What must I do to reclaim who I am? What can I give them? What will they believe?” I know, Jesus said, as he drifted off the sleep, “I can do it all with the wave of a hand.”

by Mike Finley on Fri Jan 6th, 2006 at 07:52:32 PDT

Great post, Mike (4.00 / 5)

I can’t be nearly as eloquent as you. I discern from your post, however, that it can be argued your writing at the time was truth and honesty in its own way.

If indeed Jesus walked the earth as a man, to be a man, he then possessed in him all qualities of man. So this, too, includes your intentions while writing.  What is the study of Jesus but to find him within us and us within him?  This was one thing I took from my years in Catholic school: Jesus is neither above nor below us. He came to be a man, rise above where he could, battle is inner demons. Just like us.

by one bite at a time on Fri Jan 6th, 2006 at 08:21:10 PDT

Thank you (none / 1)

I think I was being all the things Jesus was in the story:

  • salacious
  • earnest
  • corrupt
  • divine

but that’s a lot to expect a pious reader, on the lookout for blasphemy, to swallow!

by Mike Finley on Fri Jan 6th, 2006 at 08:35:30 PDT

On a similar vein… (4.00 / 2)

I received a copy of Anne Rice’s new book on Jesus for my birthday and found it fascinating to imagine how Jesus might have seen the world he lived in as a child. I have read most of Rice’s vampire chronicles and wasn’t sure what to expect in this one; but it was quite well done, especially since it’s written from the p.o.v. of Jesus as a 7-yr. old. Now I’m looking forward to the seeing how Rice imagines Jesus developed into adulthood.

About your own fictionalized version of a part of Jesus’ life–unless it was intended to hurt part of your audience, it seems to me that a consumer of any kind of artistic expression CHOOSES whether or not to be offended. That choice is based on that individual’s own judgment, not the artist’s.

“I am too much of a skeptic to deny the possibility of anything.” –T.H. Huxley

by Tejana on Fri Jan 6th, 2006 at 11:10:34 PDT

This makes me sad….. (none / 1)

…..It just fuels the fires of strife.I will defend the author(s)’ right post this,but I will never like stuff like this.It is not as bad as Phelp’s godhatesfags.com,but it is not something that I think we should feel glad about.

by tabbycat1138 on Fri Jan 6th, 2006 at 23:01:55 PDT

The best way … (none / 0)

… to make a demon flee is to laugh at it.

by Propheticus Lycanthroponica on Sat Jan 7th, 2006 at 14:31:04 PDT

These people are not demons….. (none / 0)

…..a lot of them are good folk who have lost their way.

by tabbycat1138 on Sat Jan 7th, 2006 at 18:07:10 PDT

Lost folk … (none / 0)

… who cause great harm to the neighbors they should be loving. There’s a point at which their behavior towards others must be called for what it is – demonic.

If it’s true that God has no hands but human hands, then it is equally true that Satan has but the very same hands.

by Propheticus Lycanthroponica on Sun Jan 8th, 2006 at 02:38:44 PDT

I have lost track of what is being argued (none / 0)

Who is for and against what?

by Mike Finley on Sun Jan 8th, 2006 at 06:55:00 PDT

SOrry, Mike (none / 1)

It *did* get a bit vague there. The demons I was referring to are the folk being made fun of by the Bejeesus parody.

by Propheticus Lycanthroponica on Sun Jan 8th, 2006 at 10:16:30 PDT

Thanks! (none / 0)

I hate to stone someone and find out it was the wrong person.

by Mike Finley on Sun Jan 8th, 2006 at 11:28:08 PDT

Ummm… (none / 1)

Does that mean I should check myself for bruises ?


by Propheticus Lycanthroponica on Sun Jan 8th, 2006 at 19:51:07 PDT

Wait a week (none / 0)

Then you’ll never know

by Mike Finley on Mon Jan 9th, 2006 at 16:16:51 PDT

Demons will not change,good folk will… (none / 1)

…if they can be shown the error of their ways.

by tabbycat1138 on Mon Jan 9th, 2006 at 15:04:51 PDT

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